The Obits Writer At The New York Times Just Passed Out
Actress Mollie Sugden, best known as Mrs. Slocombe on Are You Being Served?, has died at the age of 86.
American Express Traveler’s Checks: Don’t Leave Earth Without Them
Karl Malden has died at the age of 97.
Rich Little Heard Yelling, “I WIN!”
Impressionist Fred Travalena has died at the age of 66.
THE LAST HUSTLE OF THE MUSCLE WITHOUT THE TUSSLE
Television commercial spokesperson Billy Mays has died at the age of 50.
Remember The Way You Make Me Feel
The Los Angeles Times is reporting that Michael Jackson has died at the age of 50.
From Charlie’s Angels To Actual Angel
Farrah Fawcett has died at the age of 62.
Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!
Ed McMahon has died at the age of 86.
Recognize, It’s Summertime
SMC will be on break until July 6.
Try to keep everything together while we’re gone. We don’t want your falling apart on our conscience.
Mr. Deeds Goes To Richmond
Terry McCauliffe lost the primary election to be the Democratic nominee for governor of Virginia. Said McCauliffe after the election, “This never would have happened if Bill Clinton was still alive.”
We Know Drama
The Senate confirmation hearings for Sonia Sotomayor have been scheduled to begin on July 13. Experts say this is the earliest it possibly could be, but still might not draw as much interest as a Nationals-Rays game on the same day.
I Was Told There Would Be No Math
President Obama said his proposed economic stimulus package would save or create 600,000 jobs. Critics say most of those jobs would just be for people to come to every state and explain to people how this stimulus package actually works.
Limping Into The Nomination
Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor tripped at LaGuardia Airport and broke her ankle. Newt Gingrich says this makes her unqualified to be on the Court, since she will “now obviously have a biased view about the need for national health care.”
This May Not Be How It Works
The United States is considering placing North Korea back on the list of state sponsors of terrorism. Critics say this is a bad move, and will only enable the further recruiting of new North Koreans.
Abort The Protest
Due to the closing of abortion clinics in Wichita, Kansas after the killing of Dr. George Tiller, many anti-abortion protesters have had nothing to do and nowhere to go. Said Operation Rescue president Troy Newman, “Hey, I just heard this, but did you guys know the economy is really fucked up right now?”
Grasshopper
David Carradine has died at the age of 73.
The Queen Of The Blues Is Dead, Long Live The Queen
Koko Taylor has died at the age of 80.
Holy Shit, Bush Was Smarter Than We Thought!
Dick Cheney said that George W. Bush passed the G.M. crisis onto President Obama because he “did not want to be the one who pulled the plug just before he left office.” He added, “In fact, President Bush ruined the economy solely to fuck with his successor.”
Rush Limbaugh Approved This Message
Osama bin Laden released a new tape criticizing President Obama. As a result, he’s now the new chair of the RNC.
