Suck My Caucus Is Now Closed
Suck My Caucus has closed up shop. We are now just another piece of clutter on the shoulder of the information superhighway. Thanks for reading!
Author Archive
Tisn’t
Frank McCourt has died at the age of 78.
And That’s The Way It Is
Walter Cronkite has died at the age of 92.
She Should’ve Just Written An Op/Ed Piece
Sonia Sotomayor’s confirmation hearings begin today. Legal experts beleive Sotomayor may even get a word in edgewise during all the political grandstanding.
Plus He’s Done Enough To List ‘U.S. Senator’ On His Masoleum
Sen. Roland Burris will not seek re-election in 2010. In a statement, he said, “I got tired of people saying, ‘Well, you’re no Barack Obama.’”
Everyone Else Has Referenced Stuart Smalley, So Why Can We?
Al Franken has been sworn in as senator, giving Democrats 60 seats in the Senate. He then introduced his first bill, which declared Stuart Saves His Family as the official movie of Congress.
SALT IV: The Voyage Home
President Obama and Russian President Dmitri Medvedev signed an agreement to cut U.S. and Russian nuclear weapons by a quarter. Kim Jong-Il took this as an act of war and immediately tested more missiles.
The Foetus Of Excellence
President Obama lifted restrictions on stem cell research put into place during the Bush administration. He also lifted President Bush’s ban on J. G. Thirlwell albums.
Appropriate, Seeing As The Los Angeles Kings Play There
A memorial service for Michael Jackson will be held at the Staples Center today. Joe Jackson will be handing out free CD samplers outside.
All These People Dying Is Just Making Walter Cronkite Cocky
Robert McNamara has died at the age of 93.
Did We Miss Anything While We Were Gone?
We’re back. Of course, usually when SMC goes on break, we publish the odd obituary if someone significant passes away. As it turns out, we were busier writing obits the past two weeks than if we were on our regular publishing schedule. We did miss the Sanford thing while we were away, but fortunately, Sarah Palin resigned just in time.
After You Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em
Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska, effective July 26. While many believe she is gearing up for a presidential run, most pundits believe she is joining David Letterman’s writing staff.
As A Council Member, He Was Personally Contributing To The Crime Rate
Former D.C. mayor Marion Barry has been arrested for stalking. When asked why he was stalking his accuser, he said, “It’s the only thing I haven’t been arrested for yet.”
Konichiwa Bitches
North Korea is reported to have test-fired more missiles into the Sea of Japan. When asked for comment, Kim Jung-Il said, “You scared yet? Huh? Scared? Are you? Are you? Scared? Scared, eh? Running away, eh?”
Ecclestone Opposes An Israel Grand Prix, Obviously
Formula One racing chief Bernie Ecclestone praised Adolph Hitler for his ability to “get things done.” He added, “Some people just think about genocide, but how many go out and commit it?”
Kobayashi Finished Second, Despite Being Made Up By Verbal Kint
Joey Chesnut ate a record 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes to retain the International Hot Dog Eating Contest title. He celebrated by throwing up in front of a starving child.
OK, Fates, Put Down The Fucking Scissors Already
NFL QB Steve McNair was murdered in Nashville, TN at the age of 36.
The Obits Writer At The New York Times Just Passed Out
Actress Mollie Sugden, best known as Mrs. Slocombe on Are You Being Served?, has died at the age of 86.
